Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
