a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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