she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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