Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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