she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
