Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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