Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize