Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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