I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
