I accidentally burped into my bong.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
