I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
