looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
