It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
