I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize