ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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