One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize