I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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