I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
