omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
