i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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