I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
