when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
