Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
