Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
