just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
