My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize