Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
