cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
