I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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