i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
you're hired as official boob wrangler
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
