If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
