I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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