I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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