Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
