yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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