i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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