Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
