I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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