I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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