I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize