yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
