I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
