My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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