I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
