"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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