They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My liver just had a heart attack.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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