The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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