after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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