the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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