I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
