Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
