well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
