at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize