she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
