screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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