Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
