his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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