The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
