i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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