just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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