There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
