Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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