Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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