it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
