Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
