Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
