I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize