Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
