Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I want you more than these girls want KFC
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
