I just saw a hot homeless man
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
