STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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