I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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