I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
