did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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