you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
