Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
