Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She bit a glass in half.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
