You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
