I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
