Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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