Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
