forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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