I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize