Ambien. No doubt about it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
