i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
