I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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