Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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