Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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