TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
