no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
