it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
