I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
