1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
