when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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