I wish my penis had an off switch
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
