My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize