So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
why do cheetos always look like penises
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
