The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
