Someone shit on the floor
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
