He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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