I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
