I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
